As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
