You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize