I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The Olympian is in my bed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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