I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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