they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
