I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
