I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
