I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book