take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him