Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
