Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.