Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees