So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.