Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.