I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
