its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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