My brain says no but my pants say off.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
