I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The adults are the big ones right?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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