New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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