My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
