You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
