The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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