you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
