Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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