Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also, beer. Big fan.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen