girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
