Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo