They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk