I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You smell like stripper and shame
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life