he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?