Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
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Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight