Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during

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  (919): I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during http://tfl.nu/dav8
  Replies (21) Good night (3519) Bad night (688)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?

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  (804): is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair? http://tfl.nu/58ri
  Replies (14) Good night (897) Bad night (2752)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.

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  (937): He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face. http://tfl.nu/s86z
  Replies (46) Good night (6200) Bad night (8878)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.

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  (765): She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it. http://tfl.nu/h4q6
  Replies (22) Good night (6294) Bad night (1209)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"

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  (816): Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you" http://tfl.nu/hln2
  Replies (19) Good night (7174) Bad night (2214)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i think the doormans mad at me

  (773): View more from Illinois

  well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...

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  (630): i think the doormans mad at me (773): well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while... http://tfl.nu/017x
  Replies (12) Good night (1372) Bad night (2608)
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  (753): View more from

  He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.

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  (753): He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means. http://tfl.nu/ooa4
  Replies (4) Good night (1862) Bad night (884)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.

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  (937): Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/uerp
  Replies (7) Good night (1466) Bad night (723)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist

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  (360): I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist http://tfl.nu/4ea1
  Replies (12) Good night (721) Bad night (2029)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  "Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.

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  (801): "Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much. http://tfl.nu/4lhq
  Replies (15) Good night (934) Bad night (2517)
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  (607): View more from New York

  You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.

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  (607): You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house. http://tfl.nu/rggh
  Replies (12) Good night (1600) Bad night (603)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories

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  (719): No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories http://tfl.nu/o049
  Replies (0) Good night (658) Bad night (839)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.

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  (360): I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise. http://tfl.nu/2iu1
  Replies (7) Good night (1725) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.

  (818): View more from California

  I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"

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  (818): I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it. (818): I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!" http://tfl.nu/kovh
  Replies (4) Good night (585) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking

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  (805): I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking http://tfl.nu/loyf
  Replies (3) Good night (234) Bad night (513)

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