i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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