No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I party with great urgency now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
