Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
