I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
