she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
