I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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