where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
