So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
