After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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