let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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