i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.