Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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