why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?