I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
