so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
