he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wish there were birth control emojis
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
