you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
