i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize