My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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