Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
