I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
