wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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