i think my mom watched the whole time
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
