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Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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