Can i not drive my cunt home
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
