i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
