6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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