I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
