fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I faked an abortion last night.
i just google imaged poop.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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