We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
