maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
