i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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