ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
