wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize