I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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