saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think my vagina is haunted
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
