sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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