yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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